Recently in the funnies Category
The poor little socialist's facial expression is just soo cute!
Better Half: "Heh, 'Governator'."
Me: "Oh, right, he's campaigning now. Who's he campaigning for?"
Better Half: "McCain."
Me: "Really? That's kind of surprising."
Better Half: "No it's not."
Me: "He's not a Republican, dear."
Better Half: "Yes he is."
Me: "No he's not."
Better Half: "Yes he is. In name only."
Me: "No he... Oh. Right. Well, I guess that would explain him supporting McCain - he's a Republican in name only too."
Apparently, Epsilon Eridani might have planets within its solar system.
Now, to you non-uber-geeks, that news is probably being met with an, "Oh, that's nice." And while the uber-geeks already know where I am going with this, I will explain anywise: a certain science officer, onboard a certain ship, was from a certain planet in orbit around Epsilon Eridani.
Mayhap Roddenberry knew...
A surefire indication I will like a movie:
MPAA Rating: R for pervasive strong bloody violence, sexuality and some language.
Granted, it was filled with the typical overshooting of magazines, lead-core bullets sparking on everything (including concrete), the hero never missing and the bad guys being inable to hit the ground, wildly impossible shots executed seemingly without effort, complete and utter lack of plot, and massively excessive violence... but, damn, it was fun.
But, good grief, I wish I could unload, strip, dry, reassemble, and reload a Beretta that fast...
Unlike the past video, this one is just funny as hell.
I guess this explains why Pavlov did not bother trying to experiment with cats - the feline just keeps getting up on the counter, despite calling down the Wrath of the Blender Incarnate on itself repeatedly.
Still, given the choice of any other pet (barring a Muffit II, of course), I would choose a cat. Glutton for punishment, I am.
... really!
Your result for The Classic Leading Man Test...
John Wayne
Take The Classic Leading Man Test!
...
Yeah. Kind of wondering where the test-makers screwed up.
Found by way of Captain Ahab, who, I would bet, is a better fit than I am - he, at least, has the "shoot straight" thing down.
Somehow, I figured this. Hell, even now, with this image off to the left, I cannot help but to add my own little two cents to the overall post. Long winded? Me? Well, apparently, only 26% more long-winded than most people. Or something.
Update: Better Half's take on the situation: "This is the kind of thing you could sit there and refresh all day... 'Nope.' 'Nope.' 'Nope.' 'Nope.' 'Yup.' SHIT!"
If you have not seen this yet, watch this commercial.
That is some FUNNY stuff right there! Wherever Charlton Heston is right now, even he is laughing his metaphysical ass off.
Maybe I should give this little church its own category...
Last week:
Under the same management for over 2000 years.
This week:
You think it is hot here?
- God
Ways to tell you possibly purchased the wrong car:
Where do they put the groceries?
Me: So, the moral of the story is: If you want free next-day shipping from Dell, call them and ask them to do something impossible.
Better Half: *rolls eyes*
My financial advisor just authorized me to purchase a brand spanking new desktop to replace my six-year-old Sony COTS POS, and due to some significant technical difficulties with MasterCard's SecureCode system (in that it was completely and utterly down), we had to make the purchase on our debit card. I called, hoping to shift the charge to our credit card (we get points - about as useful as Who's Line's points - from it), and they told me it was impossible... but then gave me free next-day shipping. Works for me.
Also, Tennessee's tax-free days definitely work for me too. Shame they only cover school-related items, but I was able to snag as good a machine as I possibly could and still fit under the tax-free limit... which, when you look at Dell's XPS 630 line, is pretty damned good. Yes, yes, yes, I know it is a Dell... however, after speccing out an equivalent build through NewEgg, and factoring in the significant (about 25%) discount I was able to leverage with Dell, it would cost about as much to build it myself, not counting build time, additional (four-year, in my case) warrantees, and other minor details. Oh, yeah, and not counting my soul, but whatever...
more power! [by walls of the city]
Seen on the sign of a church down the road from me:
I created Chuck Norris.
- God
Oh, right, he reminds me of... me. Righto...
You definitely need to check out the videos and vignettes on his webpage to fully comprehend my meaning...
Hey, I figured you Heller Dwellers could use a distraction from your incessant F5-ing... not that I blame you, granted - I will, after all, be checking my RSS aggregator in the morning to see what the situation is. That said, I might also be kidnapping Better Half and dragging her to a theater this weekend...
Yeah... I know... There really is no excuse.
(Though, in my partial defense, that is my cat (even though my parents are his current staff, they refuse to take ownership of him - cranky little twit, he is), and I did take the picture.)
You know, I have seen a lot of random things scroll across during this suprisingly long Woot-Off... but this one definitely takes the ... um ... cake:
Well, I guess it is a good thing that they come in bulk... The surprising thing is how long it took them to sell out, which either means Woot.com had a bloody lot of them, or Wooters do not do a whole lot of... yeah.
Ok, so I have been out of touch for the past few months... like really out of touch... as in more-or-less living under that proverbial rock. Kinda roomy under there. Echos a bit, though. Anyways... feel free to slap me around with an idiot stick if this is not surprising to you.
However, if Fox News is to be trusted (which, really, is anyone's guess), Ron Paul just retired from the Presidential race.
...
.......
..........
WHAT?
Was I the only one who was thinking that crackpot... wait... nutcase... hold on, I can find a better word... whackjob... er... blinded idealist... gimme a second... mayor-of-the-loony-bin... gorram it, I give up... that sophont had gracefully given up on that whole "President" thing months ago?
Silly me.
But wait! It gets better! He has not really given up on his campaign... nooo.... he has shifted its gears to a "Campaign for Liberty". A what?
The work of the Campaign for Liberty will take many forms. We will educate our fellow Americans in freedom, sound money, non-interventionism, and free markets. We’ll have our own commentaries and videos on the news of the day. I’ll work with friends I respect to design materials for homeschoolers.
Politically, we’ll expand the great work of our precinct leader program. We’ll make our presence felt at every level of government, where just a few people with our level of enthusiasm can make a world of difference. We’ll keep an eye on Congress and lobby against legislation that threatens us. We’ll identify and support political candidates who champion our great ideas against the empty suits the party establishments offer the public.
We will be a permanent presence on the American political landscape. That I promise you. We’re not about to let all this good work die. To the contrary, with your help we’re going to make it grow – by leaps and bounds.
So, lemme get this straight... he is going to end up doing the exact same thing he has been doing for the past umpteen years of his political career... that no one gave a flying squirrel's left foot about in the past.
Good luck with that.
You know, I heard from the brother of a third-cousin-twice-removed of the sister of the friend of the coworker of the nephew of someone who cut the hair of someone else who robbed someone who might or might not be on Barack Hussein Obama's campaign that he is both unpatriotic and a Muslim!
SSSSSSHHHH!!! Do not tell anyone, though... otherwise, the cybernauts might come and spirit me away to their secret hideout in the Tibetan Alps!
....
"Cybernauts"? What the hell?? Can anyone else say that word and keep a straight face? 'Cause, you know, I am kind of in Ahab's boat on that count.
I found this quite amusing (of course, being cat staff for most of my life, my vote probably does not count), and I am sure Mugwug over at Moral-Flexibility.Net will agree.
Ok, so back when I started writing this weblog, I made an agreement with myself - never embed videos. Nothing personal against those of you who do, but more often than not, I find myself on a bandwidth-limited, capabilities-lacking computer that either cannot load the Flash/Shockwave before the next ice age, or could not render the video if its little positronic life depended on it. So, as such, I am not going to embed this video.
That said, you have to see this video.
The one thought going through my mind for the entire end of it was, "Well, crap, that is all of the music I like!" Yeah, I know, shallow musical tastes... but, hey, after all the fighting it took me to get Pachabel's Cannon in D played at my own wedding... it kind of figures.
So over two months ago, Ron over at Reactuate tagged me with this meme, and I have not had the chance to sit down at a computer with a book up until... well... now. Life is a bear sometimes. Regardless, here is how it works:
1. Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating!
2. Find page 123.
3. Find the first five sentences.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.
Well, here are my three sentences:
Microphones pointed like so many gun barrels toward the quick-moving animal. They heard more moans form the distant foliage. Obviously, a good-sized troop was here.
Hm. Well. That was significantly less-interesting than it could have been, given that it comes from Michael Crichton's book Next.
And now who to tag... Andy, over at Andy's Blog, oddly enough (if only to get him to start posting again); Dirtcrashr at Anthroblogogy; Rosemary at, strangely enough, Rosemary's Thoughts; David from Random Nuclear Strikes ; and, just for the fun of it, Uncle, writing from Say Uncle.
What is it with people and self-titular weblogs?
1:Ford...
2:Yeah?
1:I think I'm a sofa.
2:I know how you feel.
I do not know what it is about this movie
It may not be true to the story verbatim, no, but it damned well was true to the feeling.
Did anyone notice how in "Transformers", the evil police car of doom (a.k.a. "Barricade") had "to punish and enslave" written upon its flank? One almost has to wonder, considering this day and age, if that saying was not stolen from some "enforcement agency" somewhere....
The pause button is your friend, I tell you. Oh, and "Transformers" is a lot more fun after a bottle of wine. And Ironhide is my friend.
A recent conversation I had... or at least what I heard from my side:
Other Person: So, did you hear that the Chargers won yesterday?
Me: Oh, well, that is good. Who were they playing?
Other Person: The Browncoats.
Me: Wait, the who?
Other Person: The Denver Browncoats.
Me: You mean there is actually a team called the Browncoats?
Other Person: ... What?
Turns out, the word he was actually saying was "Broncos". Whoops.
This has got to be one of the funniest things, and better commercials, I have ever seen. Certainly did not convince me to buy one, but watch the commercial again? Sure!
Heard at dinner tonight:
Person 1: You know, these stupid little things are called "potato balls" on the menu.
Person 2: Balls are good.
The really funny part? Person 2 was a female. It is good to know that some girls out there still have appreciation for the simple things in life.
"Help, help, let us out of this nutshell!"
... Yeah, ok, that was pretty bad. But can you blame me?
Anywise, this gem was found at Say Uncle.
There is no right or wrong, just the inability to get along. Therefore you must either agree with me or be accused of causing an argument.It takes two to make a fight, so stop fighting me.
If you don’t have anything nice to say about me, you must refrain from criticizing anything I choose to do to you.
If anything I do to you makes you angry, it proves you are a hateful person.
If you cannot accept what I do to you, it means you are closed-minded.
If you don’t give me what I want, it proves you are materialistic and selfish.
This so perfectly fits the apparent mindset of so many people, it is eerie. Now, just wait for the little liberals to come flailing in here...
Happy birthday SLUGGY!
Ten years going, and still one of the best webcomics out there. Hell, what am I saying? The best!
For those uninitiated, Sluggy rules. Period. Now go forth and read, for it is nifty!
And no one except a true (and slightly warped) Sluggite will get this, but this is just plain awesomeness:
As provided to me by my business professor father-in-law:
Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg . The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry, sister, but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree, resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.""Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some m ore dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!THIS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
You know, I cannot really add anything to this. Or, rather, I suppose I could say that I wish my Better Half would at least dicker with the guy at the door a little more and get him to raise his price a little... I mean, hell, $800 is chump change, considering how much strippers take home a night (from what I understand, that is). That, and I think all of us can relate to all of the other instances quite easily... I know that I have experienced more than a few of them, firsthand, myself.
Wear a pair of combat boots, and a pair of baggy cargo pants, and then walk around carrying a bag from Victoria's Secret and one from REI.
The looks you get...
So I went and downloaded the Cinematic Trailer for Starcraft 2 (in addition to the gameplay video, which is just amazing, but not the point of this post), and watched it... I was suitably impressed right up until one minute and thirty-seven seconds in.
The basic idea of the scene is that they are "recruiting" (read "conscripting") a new Terran Marine, and since the majority (all?) of the Marines come from the penal system, the Blizzard folks chose to show a prisoner being converted into a Marine. As he is suited up, and the various portions of his armor are permanently grafted (ouchies!) onto his already massive frame, a screen flashes to life with his various stats (and crimes), with his identifier number at the top.
Said identifier is "Inmate 626". Am I the only one who finds this more than a little coincidentally amusing?
Well, it definitely is not Saturday, but since I TiVo'd a show that was originally aired on a Saturday, this sort of makes sense. Regardless, if you watch the SciFi Channel on a Saturday evening, they generally run B-rate (if even that good) science fiction movies, some of which hardly even rate being aired at all. However, at the end of every other commercial break or so, they run a "SciFi Saturday Survival Tip" commercial. The graphics are not particularly interesting, but the whole story is in the words, as they say. Theoretically, there are going to be 55 of these eventually, but only some of them have been shown thus far. However, all of them are quite entertaining, both in terms of their "message", and in terms of the delivery - the guy who reads them is perfectly deadpan, and the sayings are appropriately short enough to be to-the-point and quite amusing.
For the sake of those who do not watch the SciFi channel, or for those who missed out on some or all of the sayings, I have posted the ones that have already been shown below, just because they are amusing enough to be passed on.
#1: If the Earth looses it's atmosphere, don't waste your breath screaming.
#2: If it can eat through walls, It can eat through you.
#3: Never swim alone, at night, naked.
#4: Wishes can be dangerous, If you catch a leprechaun, kill it.
#5: If it has 20 legs, You can't outrun it.
#6: In the woods, Everything can hear you scream.
#7: If a giant spider catches you don't panic, It won't eat you for days.
#8: Never go on an epic quest, Without having an exit strategy.
#9: **Not aired yet.**
#10: **Not aired yet.**
#11: When building an army of mutant supersoldiers, Don't use the criminally insane.
#12: Not all monsters want to eat you, Some just want your skin.
#13: Never play God, Even if you are one.
#14: Just because you're immortal, Doesn't mean you can't get your *** kicked.
#15: If the egg weighs more than you, Don't wait around for it to hatch.
#16: If it's foot is bigger than your house, Don't hide in your house.
#17: Never brew love potions, Around family members.
#18: If it has two heads, It can eat you in half the time.
#19: If it's footprint is bigger than your Hummer, Leave.
#20: Never make fun of fairies, They aren't as cute when they swarm.
#21: Never mate with an alien, No matter how hot it is.
#22: If you discover that you can fly, Don't do it in commercial airspace.
#23 If you can see bits of flesh caught in it's teeth, You're standing too close.
#24: If a giant asteroid is heading for Earth, Duck and cover won't help.
#25: When building a robot don't give it a brain, And if you do don't give it a weapon.
#26: When running from a monster, Never wear high heels.
#27: If a giant snake is trying to kill you, Don't send a larger one to defeat it.
#28: If a fraternity requires a blood sacrifice, Don't pledge.
#29: Kids love dinosaurs, Unfortunately dinosaurs love kids too.
#30: If it comes from outer space, Don't eat it.
#31: If you find human remains, Don't wait around to find out what was eating them.
#32: If you engineer a super-virus, Also engineer an unbreakable test tube.
#33: If you think your town has a werewolf problem, Move.
#34: **Not aired yet.**
#35: "No trespassing" signs, Only work for things that can read.
#36: If the static in the TV is talking to you, Don't talk back.
#37: If it's teeth are bigger than it's body, Don't try to pet it.
#38: Massive doses of radiation, Won't give you superpowers.
#39: If you successfully clone yourself, It will probably try to kill you.
#40: When using a Ouija board, Only summon people who like you.
Ok, so maybe it is not the finest writing in the known universe, but, you have to admit, some of those are rather amusing. And you have to give the SciFi Channel some credit for coming up with an advertising campaign this unique...
Person 1: So you like bottled, canned, and then draft beer, in that order? Funny, I am the exact opposite - draft, then can, then bottle.
Person 2: Wait, you like canned beer better than bottled?
Person 1: Yeah, it comes out faster.
I would comment on this, but there hardly seems the need.
The below were forwarded to me by a friend today:
We have all observed how random factors affect all of us, sometimes without apparent rhyme or reason.
For example:
I have stood amid a shootout between my men and the enemy and walked away unscathed.
On a golf course, I saw a lightning bolt strike a man dead while those of us nearby were untouched.
I have seen tornadoes rip apart some houses, leaving nearby homes standing.
I have flown over the most heavily-defended war zones an