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orly?

It always amuses me when people say inherently stupid things, like, say, this:

Local police spokesman Benoit Dumas said of the latest case that “nothing can justify a speed of 290km/h”.

“It is not controllable. It must have taken 500m to stop,” he said.

Well, not to…

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only the twentieth time

Tangle-free flag rods should reall be called tangle-fewer.

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needed: brain bleach

Speaking of things that I was a little slow in appreciating, at first glance, I could not figure out what Sarah was talking about regarding the image at the end of her post.

Then I saw it.

And now I cannot un-see it.

What in…

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*zap*

Given the sheer number of puns, interpretations, and general-purpose idiocy that could be made out of an incident like this, I am at a complete and total loss for words.

Well, apart from, “Jesus may really have touched down…”

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dodge, dip, duck, dive, and dodge

The completely whacky thing about this all-too-crazy accident? The Porsche Cayenne that narrowly avoids turning into a pancake underneath the Pepsi truck just keeps driving. And, by “narrowly”, it looked to be somewhere in the “less than two feet” range.

Me, I would at least have to…

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windows of opportunity

If I ever happen to own/run my own commercial establishment (unlikely to happen, but we are talking hypotheticals here), like, say, a greenhouse/nursery/garden supply type place (because that actually holds some degree of interest for me) or perhaps a window tinting shop, its hours would probably be something along the…

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covering the range

Now these are things you probably have never seen before, much less ever thought you would see…

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mind that first step

Something that never should have been included in a house’s MLS listing, but obviously was:

Laundry chute is hidden under the step in the master bathroom

Yeah, because that seems like a great idea.

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the church of collective guilt

Something I just do not get: people, who are unconnected to the events in question, apologizing for unfortunate / illegal / immoral / etc. events that happened to another person, especially when the “other person” in question is quite dead.
For example, the British Prime Minister apologized

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search for “gravity”

How is it that one can be “Entering XYZ Watershed Area” at the bottom of a hill?

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inspiring confidence

Something you do not typically want to hear from one of the creators of a piece of hardware when he is troubleshooting it:

So why did that work?

Oh goodie.

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orly?

Why is it that modern microwaves insist on telling me “FOOD IS READY” when their timer runs out? How does it know the food is ready? Was the time I nuked my food for actually long enough? Does it know what I quantify as “ready”? And how much time, effort,…

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put it ou… whoops

I fully appreciate and encourage having a fire-extinguisher handy for any kind of fire-producing device (even internal combustion engines), but having said fire extinguisher strapped directly to a generator seems somewhat… counterproductive?

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there is irony here somewhere…

During our little hike on Saturday, I was the only person of four who bothered to put on bug spray… DEET-laden, broad-spectrum, name-brand bug spray.
I was also the only person to come home with cute little blood-sucking passengers, and two of them to boot.
*sigh*

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comment on the way home

It is probably a statement on the economy when the Land Rover dealership parking lot has more cars than Land Rovers.

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go-go-gadget-gorilla-glue

It is probably a bad thing that the repairs I am having to effect on my apartment are actually improving its durability and the quality of its craftsmanship.

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gerbil discrimination

You know a home owners’ assocation has probably gone to far when their covenants include this degree of specificity:

Not more than two dogs, nor more than two cats, not more than four birds, and not more than four rabbits may be kept on a single building plot for the

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luck o’the… something

Regular readers will know that I want a Bullitt Mustang, even moreso now that Ford is the last truly American-owned automobile company.
Yesterday, there was one parked right next to me in Wal-Mart, and I had the pleasure of hearing it leave as I walked to the…

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words have meanings

With this predictable and unsettling news, I only have one solitary question:
Does anyone actually remember that “czars” were bad things?

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’cause that helps

It is a bad thing when my shredder has a difficult time processing the copious amounts of gos-se the NRA sends to me on a weekly basis…

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frakking engineers

Why do city planners insist on placing residential districts on the sides of relatively busy highways, and why do developers insist on building relatively nice neighborhoods on those tracts?

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the easy button

Botach Tactical has what I would politely describe as a “rudimentary” webpage – as ecommerce sites go, it is about as bare-bones as you can possibly get and still have images. However, they were running a 10% off sale this past week, and I decided to give them a shot…

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never wrestle with a pig

Alright, what the hell is this gos-se:

NAPOLITANO SAYS US SHOULD SHOULD PREPARE FOR NEW FLU OUTBREAK SOON EVEN IF THIS ONE FIZZLES OUT

Ignoring the atrocious grammar and one-lined nature of the report, what the hell is the Secretary of Homeland Security doing fear-mongering and generating…

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that phrase does not mean what you think it means

Since when does “The perfect family comedy” feature implied nudity, blatantly implied sexual intercourse, miscarriages discussed in all their ultrasound glory, and pets being put to sleep in graphic detail?
Hell, when do not-family-friendly comedies have half of that nonsense?
Just goes to show how useless professional movie…

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culture clash

Seen at work today:

Yes, that is a Mini, sporting a Harley-Davidson sticker.

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just a little loony

If the aircraft you stole is being tailed by two F-16s, trying to break and run after you land it is not going to do you a whole lot of good:

A pilot who allegedly stole a Cessna plane from a Canadian flight school and was pursued for hours across

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update to my last

Well, it turns out that “SyFy” refers to sexually transmitted diseases in Poland.
Has no one at NBC heard of this wild and crazy thing called “Google”? Way to go, guys.

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bowl of rice

What is the point of putting a six-inch-diameter race tachometer (complete with an inch-diameter shift-light) into an automatic Chevrolet S-10 pickup?
I mean, seriously. Do something about the atrocious after-market baby blue paintjob first, or maybe the heinous condition your aft bumper is in, before you go tacking crap…

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counting is hard

Ways To Tell Your Inventory Control System Needs Work: Your online system shows a product as “in-stock”. A customer orders said product. You charge the customer’s credit card. The same day the product shows upon the customer’s doorstep, a physical letter shows up in their physical mailbox informing them that…

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park on driveways

Why do cars still have “parking lights”, or at least a setting on the light control system for “parking lights”? You certainly do not use/need them while parking, and whatever use they serve on the road could easily be done more effectively by normal headlights and taillights. I mean, at…

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candid captures

Just to back up a previous claim I made, I present you with…

I still think it is a stupid idea.
And just to show off some of the things that corporate entities give out at fairs…

Yes, that is a…

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misplaced mammal

I am uncertain whether to be amused or disturbed that smart fortwos come in zebra-striped color schemes. As in, the entire car, except for the grey bits, was appropriately black-and-white striped, as one might expect to find out on the African savannah.
On a car that small,…

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thinking thongs

Y’know, if Victoria’s Secret quartered their monthly mailings and only sent out a single catalog a month, I really have to wonder how much that would impact their increasingly ludicrous prices…

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security theater

Ways To Tell You Are Too Fat
#5498210: Your TSA golf cart lists more than fifteen degrees to your side.

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bad architect, no concrete

I am not a home designer, but I do know this: putting the closet and bathroom of a master suite at opposite diametrically opposite corners of the master bedroom is just frakking stupid. Stop doing it already!

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boom in absentia

You know, I am not really sure which is worse:
Option 1: Sticking something in the handle of a gas pump to keep the system running while you go inside to grab a soda… and leaving it long enough that you end up with at least a gallon or…

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naked smurfs

Heard on Jeopardy:

The MPAA gives this to any movie containing more than brief nudity and drug use.

The correct question was:

What is “PG-13″?

So… hold on a tick. Does that mean one can have PG nudity?

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alcoholic

Why are beer and wine measured in percentages while almost everything else is in proof?

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happy-juice

Memo to Apple:
Look, I know you have managed to carve out quite the computer peripherals empire based off one hell of an advertising campaign. Your computer side of the house is not doing terribly well, though, but it never was, so no great surprise there. At any rate,…

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on-demand pepperoni

Did you know that one can now order Domino’s Pizza from one’s TiVo?
I weep for the species.

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fall down go …

I have seen the Burj Dubai in person, and I can honestly say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that these two gentlemn are bloody nuts.
Once you factor in the altitude, the legal system of the host country (remember, this is a Middle Eastern nation),…

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how gay

For reference, this is a surefire way to piss just about everyone off:

A radical gay rights group is claiming responsibility for a protest Sunday at Mount Hope Church in Delta Township.

Protesters who entered the Creyts Road church along with worshippers surprised the congregation when they stood

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