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Red Riding Hood

Surprisingly good (not great) and very, very pretty. …

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super 8

Super 8:  One part Goonies, one part ET, one part Close Encounters of the Third Kind, one part Cloverfield, and one part Aliens… and a hell of a ride to boot, with big screen heartily recommended.  …

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x-men: first class

X-Men: First Class – Outstandingly chosen actors who gave performances I was not expecting, convincing story development (though how a certain character got his particular powers is left to the viewer’s imagination), seamless special effects, entertaining inter-character banter and relationships, and a compelling (or at least convincing) bad guy… I …

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priest

Priest:  Better than Legion (which, granted, is not saying much), but not as good as it could have been – hopefully the apparent sequel will step things up a bit. …

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thor

Thor: Take the concept that Norse mythology Asgardians are superhuman aliens from across the galaxy, multiply it by some of the best computer graphics I have seen in a while, and throw in some semi-decent one-liners, and the end result is that you should definitely see this at some …

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fast five

Fast Five:  I have absolutely no problems admitting to a healthy mancrush on Vin Diesel, but combined with a return to the basics that made the first and fourth movies so good, I dare say that milking this concept for all it is worth has turned out relatively well… …

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atlas shrugged

Atlas Shrugged, Part 1: Some parts of it dragged longer than I might have done (specifically the anniversary party scene and sex scene), and some things were a bit understressed in my opinion (specifically how irrationally depraved the looters were, and how they exhibited that behavior), but speaking as someone

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sucker punch

Sucker Punch: Two parts Pan’s Labyrinth, two parts American McGee’s Alice, one part Inception, five parts face-melting awesomeness, and a sprinkle of gratuitous gunporn… blend on 11.…

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i am number four

I Am Number Four:  Take Push, move it to the American heartland, drop a high school on the set, mix in about twice as much teenage angst, add some bad guys who actually got some relatively amusing one-liners, and you will pretty much be in the ballpark. …

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battle: los angeles

Battle: Los Angeles: If you remember the horrifically craptacular Skyline, this movie was everything that one was not – engaging, exciting, suspensful, sufficiently explody, and one hell of a commercial for the United States Marine Corps.…

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the mechanic

The Mechanic – I will not deny that I have a not-insignificant man-crush on Jason Statham, but pairing him against Ben Foster has to go down as the worst in a long line of bad ideas coming out of Hollywood… …

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the big lebowski

The Big Lebowski – What the hell was that, aside from one of the worst ways to waste an hour-and-a-half of my life? …

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scott pilgrim vs. the world

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: I would imagine that it takes a certain kind of person to appreciate a movie like this, but if you enjoyed Zombieland, be very afraid for it, because I think it just got dethroned. …

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knight and day

Knight and Day: Killers was better… a lot better. …

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the last airbender

The Last Airbender – If this were a just and fair world, that would have been M. Night Shyamalan’s last movie, thanks to actors, writers, producers, and production houses wanting to distance themselves as much as possible from a source of such mind-numbingly atrocious dreck in the future… so …

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tron: legacy

Tron Legacy – stunningly beautiful, visually compelling, and something of a natural outgrowth of the original, but do not expect too much out of it. …

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skyline

Skyline: To quote one of my fellow victims… er… movie-goers, “What the hell was that?” aside from way too much drama, not nearly enough aliens, and a spectacularly horrid ending. …

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survival of the dead

Survival of the Dead: I like money as much as the next person, but it really is time to stop flogging the frak out of that undead horse, George. …

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stargate: universe

Stargate Universe: Take the worst aspects of Stargate and Stargate Atlantis (which is not hard in the latter’s case), liberally douse with the inferior elements of Voyager (which is definitely not hard), generously sprinkle with horrific acting and substandard plots, and blend thorughly with copious quantities of suck and …

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piranah 3d

Piranah 3D: Exactly as advertised – one part gratuitous bloodshed, one part gratuitous nudity, one part gratuitous 3D-ness, and one part gratuitously idiotic characters… liberally blended with appropriate cameo appearances from Richard Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd. …

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