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one-line review

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief: Harry Potter set in the loose framework of Greek mythology… only with most of the characters being glaringly ignorant of Greek mythology. [...]

one-line review

Alice in Wonderland: Billed as something of a sequel to the original story, this actually turned out to be yet another in a long line of rehashes of much the same plot, with much the same characters and outcome [...]

one-line review

Law Abiding Citizen: The main character assuredly did not live up to the title, but if you are interested in a rather disturbing condemnation of the American legal system wherein lines become remarkably blurred, this is probably your movie… [...]

one-line review

Couples Retreat: Vince Vaughn successfully proves that his biggest single defect as an actor – his complete and utter unwillingness to let a joke go even though the joke in question is beaten, dead, and decaying – is [...]

one-line review

Dragonball: Evolution: In all honesty, I only watched this movie because of James Marster’s (of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and Smallville fame) role as “Piccolo”, however, if the movie had managed to take itself just a little [...]

one-line review

Død Snø (Dead Snow): Zombieland is unquestionably the greatest zombie movie of all time, however, Dead Snow is easily the best foreign zombie movie… which may not be saying much, but you still need to see [...]

one-line review

Gamer: Think “Gladiator in the 21st century”, only no quite as good and the family [...]

one-line review

Legion: Mediocre action, paltry gun porn, uninspired acting, and seriously screwed up theology – an underwhelming, disappointing “meh” if there ever was [...]

one-line review

The Book of Eli: Ho. Ly. Crap. Kevin says it better than I could, but if you have not seen it yet, you [...]

one-line review

Idiocracy: Hey, I know some of those people… wait a second… was this not supposed to be a work of [...]

one-line review

Sherlock Holmes: There is going to be a sequel and I cannot say that is a bad [...]

one-line review

Funny People: Not so much, really… in fact, not at [...]

one-line review

Carriers: It is almost sad, the things people will do to pay the bills, especially when the people in question have already scored the lead role in Star Trek

one-line review

Basic Instinct 1 and 2: Aside from a paltry excuse to see Sharon Stone naked (and these days, who has not?), what was the [...]

one-line review

2012: Bogus science abounds, but if you are just there for the gratuitous special effects (which, thankfully, I was), then you should be good to [...]

one-line review

Drag Me to Hell: Is it heresy for me to find this more formulaically boring than amusing, or even [...]

one-line review

Zombieland: I am going to have to go with Tam on this [...]

one-line review

I know I am a little behind on this movie, but Donnie Darko bloody well should have come with an instruction [...]

one-line review

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past is just A Christmas Carol with boobs – how can you go [...]

one-line review

Pandorum is pretty much Event Horizon with a happy [...]

you are no santa

My one-line review of Fred Claus:
Unending moral relativism and demonization of personal responsibility ineffectively hidden behind a perforated facade of craptacular, off-tempo attempts at humor.
In short, try not to waste your [...]

one-line review of mummy triplets

Maria Bello is no Rachel Weisz (Rachel is actually hot.), but nothing beats a Yeti kicking a field goal… and another calling [...]

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