you cooked what?

I recommend copious amounts of alcohol. Actually, that is generally what I recommend, but given that today is Election Day, I recommend doubly copious amounts of alcohol – after all, you could wake up, and it could have all been a horrible, intoxicated dream. Right? Right?
However, apart from that, I also recommend comfort food – after all, once in a while, it never really hurt anyone. And after just discovering this particular item a few days ago, I just had to share it. Be advised, anyone who gets offended at potential misuse of food, and possibly odd combinations of consumables, should probably just go ahead and skip this post entirely.
So, what you need is:
3 eggs – whatever variety.
4 ounces of smoked salmon – I leave it to you as to which sub-species.
Diced onions and green peppers – however much you want/like.
Shredded mozerella/American/other white cheese – whatever you like would probably work.
Five-spice seasoning – to taste.
Sesame seed oil – to make everything easier to work with.
Relatively simple, I grant, and more than a little strange, but, trust me – it works.
Dump out your salmon, onions, and green peppers, with a little sesame seed oil to lubricate everything, in a relatively small non-stick fry pan – the size of the pan will more-or-less determine the size of your omelette (since that is, after all, what you are making with this mess). Sprinkle some five-spice on top (How much is entirely up for grabs – I used enough to be visible on most of the material in the fry pan, but not enough that any of the spice was dry. Your call on this.) and then simmer everything until it is nice and hot and the onions are clear.
At the same time, scramble up the three eggs in a mug, and once the salmon medley is ready to go, scrape it all together in a loose, flat pile that takes up most of the bottom of the fry pan, and pour the scrambled egg mixture evenly over the top. You might have to tilt around the fry pan to get even coverage.
Now, stick a lid on the pan (an oven-resistant plate works just fine for this), set the stove to middling heat, and step away for five minutes or so.
When you come back, the egg should almost entirely be cooked, with possibly a puddle of still-liquid egg in the middle – tilt the fry pan around some more to try and get that to the edge and cooked. Once the egg appears to be fully set and solid, you get to the fun part – flipping this beast. Use whatever method you are comfortable and skilled at… me, I just fiddle around the edges with a spatula, try my best to get said implement under the edge of the omelette without breaking it, and quickly flip it all over. Ideally, no major cracks develop. Once you have it upside down, sprinkle on your cheese of choice, put the lid back on, and step away again for 3-5 minutes.
Once you come back, your little beastie should be done – slide it off onto you plate, and enjoy:


Yes, I know the flavors I mix are not ones you typically find together. Yes, I know it is a travesty. Yes, I know it is not for the faint of heart. Yes, I know it might take some experimentation to get down just right. And, yes, I know it tastes damn good. There must be something about the smoking in the salmon and the seasonings in the five-spice… anywise, any time you are feeling experimental, adventurous, or just plain drunk, feel free to give it a shot – I will not tell anyone.