a job mends

In light of the impending disaster awaiting us later tonight, I guess it would not be too much overkill for me to point out that the upcoming James Bond movie sucks. How do I figure that? Well, when a review starts like this:

Here’s the truth about the latest James Bond movie, “Quantum of Solace.” It’s not very good.

… you know it has problems.

…I had high hopes for a roller coaster ride full of explosions, inexplicable derrying do, some decent quips and memorable lines, even a smidgen of smarmy sex for James with a couple of babes.

What else do we look forward to in James Bond? Readings from Rilke? No. We want gadgets. And a great theme song. And a spectacular opening sequence.

The truth then: we got none of the above, except maybe the Rilke and deep frown lines. Marc Forster, one of our favorite directors from “Finding Neverland” and “Monster’s Ball” has turned James Bond 007 into a meditation on death and trust. He’s made the straight play version of what’s supposed to be a musical comedy.

Let’s start with the music. There couldn’t be a worse, more tuneless song than Alicia Keys’ and Jack White’s “Another Day to Die.”…

…

The song is a bad omen, because it follows the shortest, least interesting opening sequence in Bond history. Suffice to say, when it blends into the first notes of the Keys-White song, your first thought will be, That’s it? Yes, that’s it.

…

The secondary cast works well, especially Judi Dench as M, although there’s lots less of her. There’s no Q, and no one to introduce James to new gadgets (this in the time of new gadgets in the real world every hour and blogs galore devoted to them!). Mathieu Amalric is just great and looks right at Mr. Green, the new villain, but as in the whole of the film there’s not a lot of sly dialogue. The Daniel Craig version of Bond isn’t very articulate or quick verbally, hence neither are his opponents. All the parrying is gone.

…

Something tells me once the excitement wears down, the new James Bond is not going to be one of those that anyone wants to see over and over again. In the meantime, I found myself more shaken than stirred by this latest installment.

Now, I am not one to put a whole lot of stock in movie reviews… however, given the disaster that was “Casino Royale”, I am holding out no hope whatsoever. After all, that glimpse at the “new” Bond indicated, quite well, why this new movie will suck just as bad, if not worse: Daniel Craig.
Dare I say it, given the (amusing) outrage over my last use of the word, but I will probably be boycotting this new Bond film… The boy inside me who loves senseless explosions and plotless action is somewhat disappointed, but appreciates the fact that I probably will not end up watching a movie that might cause me to send something heavy and pointy towards my television. I know my credit card appreciates that, at least…