A large-caliber, high-volume, quick-reload water gun. Preferrably with the option to load ice cubes, should I so desire.

I grew up a cat person... My family always had at least two, most of the time three, cats in the house. They are, by and large, relatively well behaved animals, and with one notable exception, all of ours have been relatively taciturn creatures.

But for the love of all that is holy and good in this universe, this apartment complex I am living in now has completely soured me on canines. One particular undomesticated mutt lives directly underneath me, and is let out on the patio sometime in the morning - probably when its owners go to work. Then, from 7 until about 11, it barks. Every day. Non-stop. At anything. At nothing at all. Continuously. Even with windows closed, any hope of sleep is dashed, and once I am awake, any hope of sanity slides rapidly.

For the love of God people, train your damned pets. Obedience school cannot be that pricey, and I am fairly certain it teaches those atrocious mutts to shut the frak up. This falls under the category of crapping on the rugs, chewing up the shoes, and breaking into cabinets, people... Sure, you probably are not around to enjoy the vociferousness of your mongrel, but at least think of other people occasionally.

Of course, common courtesy has all but bloody disappeared from modern vocabulary, so what am I to expect?