... and is damned proud of it. Ok, I have to admit, I firmly believe this "Net Authority" website is a hoax of the finest nature (the varieties that are easily believed because they are just so damned believable). But on the off chance that it is, in fact, for real, I want to make damned sure my weblog's name is on their "database" list, if only as a protest against just how assinine some people are. As such, time to violate their "policy".

1. Thou shalt not post pornographic material.

Now, I am not one to post actual pornographic images (though other weblogs do, and more power to them), primarily because Better Half would have my nether regions in a sling if I were to do so. That said, I have posted a fair number of gun pr0n images, and if you believe all of those hoplophobes out there, us "People of the Gun" only purchase firearms to make up for our sexual shortcomings, so those images have to get us People of the Gun worked up, right?

2. Thou shalt not post hateful material.

Well, that is easy: I hate socialists, I hate liberals, I hate hoplophobes, I hate Nanny-Staters, I hate bigots (you know, like the "Net Authority" folks), I hate mimes, I hate people who do not look where they are going... Do I need any more, or is that enough?

3. Thou shalt not post blasphemous material.

Well, lemme see, I have already admitted to believing in both evolution and creationism (in that I firmly believe God created the universe, and then nudged evolution in the right direction... there is, of course, a deeper explanation, but that will suffice for now), so I bet I am already covered on that count. Would it help, though, that I am of the mindset that effectively all gods and goddesses are just multiple facets and incarnations of the one monotheistic God? Hm, thought so.

4. Thou shalt not post materials of an offensive political nature.

Sadly, they do not provide any explanations for this rule, but suffice to say that I believe in personal responsibility and accountability, hate socialists and liberals (see offense number two), would love it if the country would just turn straight into the constitutional representative republic it was supposed to be overnight, and thoroughly despise just about all politicians. Except Jesse Ventura, simply because he is awesome. Have I broached "offensive" yet?

5. Thou shalt not post materials concerning bestiality, including interracial relationships.

Now, I am not going to fault them for saying that cats and dogs probably should not get it on. That would just be all manner of fricking wierd. But Better Half happens to be a random mixture of Cherokee (sadly, not enough to claim), Irish, German, and who-knows-what-else, and while I am about as white as the purely driven snow, my family came from them back hills of Virginie, so God alone knows what kind of blood flows through my veins, and, darn it, interracial kids are just so cute. If God did not mean for different races (in this instance, meaning the more-commonly-accepted definition of "people of different ethnic backgrounds", not animals of different races) to "intermingle sexually", then he darn well should not have given them way-too-compatible bits.

So, fine people of the "Net Authority", here's to your outstanding joke. And, assuming that it is, in fact, not a joke, I can come up with a damned lot more "offensive", "hateful", "explicit", and "blasphemous" material. Just let me know.