Well, it definitely is not Saturday, but since I TiVo’d a show that was originally aired on a Saturday, this sort of makes sense. Regardless, if you watch the SciFi Channel on a Saturday evening, they generally run B-rate (if even that good) science fiction movies, some of which hardly even rate being aired at all. However, at the end of every other commercial break or so, they run a "SciFi Saturday Survival Tip" commercial. The graphics are not particularly interesting, but the whole story is in the words, as they say. Theoretically, there are going to be 55 of these eventually, but only some of them have been shown thus far. However, all of them are quite entertaining, both in terms of their "message", and in terms of the delivery – the guy who reads them is perfectly deadpan, and the sayings are appropriately short enough to be to-the-point and quite amusing.
For the sake of those who do not watch the SciFi channel, or for those who missed out on some or all of the sayings, I have posted the ones that have already been shown below, just because they are amusing enough to be passed on.
#1: If the Earth looses it’s atmosphere, don’t waste your breath screaming.
#2: If it can eat through walls, It can eat through you.
#3: Never swim alone, at night, naked.
#4: Wishes can be dangerous, If you catch a leprechaun, kill it.
#5: If it has 20 legs, You can’t outrun it.
#6: In the woods, Everything can hear you scream.
#7: If a giant spider catches you don’t panic, It won’t eat you for days.
#8: Never go on an epic quest, Without having an exit strategy.
#9: **Not aired yet.**
#10: **Not aired yet.**
#11: When building an army of mutant supersoldiers, Don’t use the criminally insane.
#12: Not all monsters want to eat you, Some just want your skin.
#13: Never play God, Even if you are one.
#14: Just because you’re immortal, Doesn’t mean you can’t get your *** kicked.
#15: If the egg weighs more than you, Don’t wait around for it to hatch.
#16: If it’s foot is bigger than your house, Don’t hide in your house.
#17: Never brew love potions, Around family members.
#18: If it has two heads, It can eat you in half the time.
#19: If it’s footprint is bigger than your Hummer, Leave.
#20: Never make fun of fairies, They aren’t as cute when they swarm.
#21: Never mate with an alien, No matter how hot it is.
#22: If you discover that you can fly, Don’t do it in commercial airspace.
#23 If you can see bits of flesh caught in it’s teeth, You’re standing too close.
#24: If a giant asteroid is heading for Earth, Duck and cover won’t help.
#25: When building a robot don’t give it a brain, And if you do don’t give it a weapon.
#26: When running from a monster, Never wear high heels.
#27: If a giant snake is trying to kill you, Don’t send a larger one to defeat it.
#28: If a fraternity requires a blood sacrifice, Don’t pledge.
#29: Kids love dinosaurs, Unfortunately dinosaurs love kids too.
#30: If it comes from outer space, Don’t eat it.
#31: If you find human remains, Don’t wait around to find out what was eating them.
#32: If you engineer a super-virus, Also engineer an unbreakable test tube.
#33: If you think your town has a werewolf problem, Move.
#34: **Not aired yet.**
#35: "No trespassing" signs, Only work for things that can read.
#36: If the static in the TV is talking to you, Don’t talk back.
#37: If it’s teeth are bigger than it’s body, Don’t try to pet it.
#38: Massive doses of radiation, Won’t give you superpowers.
#39: If you successfully clone yourself, It will probably try to kill you.
#40: When using a Ouija board, Only summon people who like you.
Ok, so maybe it is not the finest writing in the known universe, but, you have to admit, some of those are rather amusing. And you have to give the SciFi Channel some credit for coming up with an advertising campaign this unique…
recent comments